Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Words....


Feeling much better, thanks...

Well, I was, until driving home tonight. And then out of nowhere, there it was. A sharp pain. Piercing right through my heart. I almost went off the road. Here's what happened:

My two and a half year old son piped up from the back seat with, "Mommy, I'm stupid."

No - that couldn't be what he just said. Right?! So I asked him to repeat what he said - and sure enough, that's exactly what was said. And my heart broke in a million pieces.

Yes, I am working on getting to the bottom of where that came from, but right now, that's almost beside the point. Because I have just heard my son say words I hoped he would never say, never feel. While I quickly rushed to reassure him that he is NOT stupid, I could just see in his face in my rear view mirror the look of worry in his eyes. I had to promise him that I wouldn't lie to him, and anyone that said he was stupid was just wrong. (And I had to slip in that we don't say "stupid" in our home.)

I know I'm more sensitive to language than many people. I spend every day carefully selecting the things that I choose to say or not say to the tenderhearted 11-15 year olds in my classroom. And I'm sure that I make mistakes. But I work very hard to err on the side of not being harsh enough, because I know how words can stick in the brain like a cd skipping, heard long past the intent of the speaker. I hear daily examples of how much what someone says can damage a soul or break a spirit. And while it is unrealistic, I never want my boys to have that experience.

But today was a great example - I'm not always going to be able to control what someone says to Max or Luke. Or how they understand what someone says to them. Or whether or not their hearts hurt from words that someone uses.

And that breaks my heart.

2 comments:

emily said...

oh, Megan.... I'm not READY for my baby to be exposed to the world. And that is because of things like this. :( I'm sad for you and for him. But he gets so much PURE love from you and his dad and his extended family-- he'll be okay. He'll always be okay in the end because he has you.

Martina said...

ugh...that's hard on the ears. how's your heart? recovering alright?