Sometimes it isn't what you thought it would be....

The last couple of days have felt a little strange. I know that a lot of it has to do with the surge of hormones that are coursing through my very confused body right now. But then there's that other part - the part that is dealing with things different than expected.

Anyone who knows me will attest to my difficulty dealing with change or reality not being the same as expectations. So having children has been a great lesson in learning to be better at adapting. Max was a great first teacher - and Luke definitely has his own lessons to inspire. To this point, they are very different babies - Max never slept, and was always very loud. Luke has been very quiet and sleepy - to the point of almost being able to forget that he is there.

I don't think this jaundice situation has been helping our situation or Luke himself at all. I eagerly await the call from the doctor every day, hoping that his levels will be low enough that we can get rid of the bili-blanket. Instead every day it has been the "bring him back in for another blood test tomorrow" call. His poor feet look like hamburger, and having a child that plugs in to an electrical outlet is really no fun at all. In so many ways I feel like we are on hold with him, waiting to get to know what he is really like when he is a healthy baby.

But at the same time, we had a great postpartum appointment today. He is back up to 8 lbs 13 oz (after a low of 8lbs 9 oz) and he breastfed like a champ getting 2.3 oz in 15 min. The nurse thought we looked great, and was very complimentary about how well things appear to be going. And that's how I feel for large parts of the day - capable, happy, and in-tune with my family.

But there are still those times when, for one reason or another, things just aren't what you thought they would be - and I'm left trying to figure out why that's so hard for me to deal with. Got lots to learn, that's for sure!