Monday, October 26, 2009

Wishing for different....

Oh my. Tonight was one of those "fall down the rabbit hole" kinds of nights. The kind where I start out reading my favorite friendly blogs, and end up feeling woefully inadequate and desperate for a life realignment.

It starts so simply. I head over to The Artful Parent - a spot full of great manageable ideas for playing at art with young children. And today she has shared a delightful interview that introduced me to Quince and Quire. A poet and crafter and mother - oh holy triumvirate! Seriously? Can one person have so much wonderful talent and delight in their days? Wow. And that she talks about one of my student's father's books? Very cool.

Then it's a hop from there to cloth napkin tutorials and Sew, Mama, Sew's month of stash busting and delightful tutorials. Drool. Bookmark. Drool. Repeat.

Ok, back to blog reading. Sew Liberated's delightful Montessori ways and SouleMama's knitting. All amazing.

And here I sit. Frustrated.

I'm wishing for a life full of days with my children crafting and learning and sharing the world in a way that seems true and authentic. I wonder how they all manage to make it work and I can't. Or won't. Truth be told, they are all incredibly talented women who are capitalizing on their talents to provide(or supplement) for their families. I'm sure there are things about their lifestyles that wouldn't agree with me. But days filled with art and beauty and togetherness all shown through the lenses of talented photographers sure are appealing.

Now, believe me, I know I've got it good. A job that I really enjoy, fantastic kiddos, an amazing husband, and a house that is beginning to feel like home. But I have my nights when living on an acre backing up to a beautiful forest or ocean shore where I spend my days making art with the boys sounds like the most amazing bliss.

What can I do? Carve out a few rows of knitting here as a reward for a stack of graded papers. Make tissue paper pumpkins and "crayon stained glass" leaves with the boys in the 30 minutes between dinner and bed. Day trips to the beach, and weekends where we try our best to take advantage of the seasons. Most of the time, it's enough.

But then there are nights like tonight....


Erin said...

Now you know how I feel EVERY time I talk with you! You amaze me constantly with your creativity, parenting and passion for enjoying life's little things.

I love you.

Marilee said...

Ditto Erin's comment and something else. One of the five, (or seven -I really don't remember the number) ways to make yourself miserable is to compare yourself to others. It is always good to set the bar high, but not so high that you put yourself in a spin or stall.
Always proud of you,

Stefanie said...

I totaly commiserate with this feeling, but you know what? You do more with your kids than lots of non-working moms do -- its just that because we have less time at home, we prioritize better! At least, that is what I tell myself to make myself feel better! :)


Emily S. said...

Megan, I'm choked up for two reasons:
1. I completely get it. I COMPLETELY GET IT. I read SouleMama and Sew Liberated, too... and I yearn for their simple ways... Yearn for land. For simplicity.

but also-

2. I COMPLETELY see you in that same light. So maybe you don't have the time they do-- maybe you don't blog about it for a living...But that profile pic of you with your baby in the sling sits in my head every time I read those EXACT two blogs. You ARE SouleMama/SewLiberated to me. I am not just saying this to make you feel good. I GENUINELY have you synonymous with them. So I ache that you have nights where you have the waves of regret and inadequacy. Because you are MORE than good enough. YOu are incredible.

(I cannot WAIT to sit across your table with you in real life.)

♥♥♥ to you.